Not All Men #iamjanedoe

Not All Men

They scream they rail they yell with anger

Proving our point with three words and an avalanche of tone

Not all men, sure…not all….

Just the guy telling me on the phone he can see me in mom’s bedroom, and can see what I’m wearing….. at 5 years old.

Just the kid on his bike rolling next to me as a child, asking if he can

Give me a ride home, while leering at me

Just the guy staring at me by the campfire circle, making sure my friend Kim and I

Saw it rising out of his shorts

Just the guys on the subway staring at me in a group, rubbing their junk and softly cat calling

Just the guy not taking No for an answer,

Just the brother-in-law video taping me in my bikini and denying it, until I yelled loud enough the family came in to see it.

Just the guy rubbing himself staring at me in a movie theater, until I shined a flashlight at him, exposing him.

Just the guy goosing me repeatedly at the bar in a crush of people so I couldn’t tell who it was.

Just the guy who fired me from a movie because I wouldn’t make out with I’m by his fireplace while his pregnant wife slept in the back bedroom.

Just the guy wearing too much cologne, who grabbed my elbow at the valet, trying to put me in his car like it was okay to just “pick one” to take home.

Just the guy who followed me into the mall bathroom, tried to grab my hair over the stall, stared me down through the partition, then went to lock the door, slipping out when a mama and daughter walked in, saving me.

Just the obscene phone calls for a year until I moved cities.

Just the fire damage cleaner guys, calling me with obscene phone calls, saying things about my underwear. I didn’t understand until I moved, and found that underwear- used by them, stiff and wadded in the back shelf of a closet.

Just the guy coping a feel during a physical therapy massage.

Just the massage school student lifting the sheet far too high and for too long as I turned over on the table.

Just the guy taking upskirt pics of a high school aged cast mate at the ren faire.

Just the guy dosing me at the Wildhorse Saloon.

Just the guy lying about sleeping with me for clout.

Just the guy who attacked me in 7th grade because I outed him for cheating on a final.

Just the guy who took college women out in his boat and told them “F* or swim.”

Just the guy at the bar sneaking gropes at my chest while he held court telling jokes, manager doing nothing, only stopping when he realized it was a guy who’d switched places with me.

Just the guy ridiculing me to everyone at the pub because I said no.

Just the guy not asking for consent with dangerous breath play/attack.

Just the guy casually groping in grocery stores and coffee houses.

Just the guy flashing a couple of us outside Ford’s Theater.

Just the industry peer who offered to help me with my demo, then asked if I’d come play with his partner, rescinded the offer when I said no.

Just the guy trying to get in the window of our dorm room at camp.

Just the guy caught molesting women in their dorm room at camp.

Just the teacher telling me how hot I was and how he’d show me what he meant…

when I was 9.

Just the dancer paired up with me in theater dance class, holding me too tight to rub his junk on me during a latin combo, when I was 11.

Just the salsa dancer guys who don’t wear underwear so they can bat at your thighs with their junk in the club.

Just the salsa teacher who molested me, and went to jail for other assaults.

Just the guy who broke into the skylight of a friend’s loft and raped her for hours.

Just the guy who raped and killed a woman in the entry well of a brownstone across the street from my best friend.

Just the Salon owner who pinned me against a wall and groped me until I fought him off, in the middle of a photo shoot for his ads and signs, when I was 15.

Just the sex pest music producer who turns from kind and friendly to too close, too handsy, too impinging with his body.

Just the guy jacking it in his car, staring at us.

Just the Irish trad musician who starts off kind, then gets loud and threatening because he won’t take no for an answer.

Just the youth pastor touting he’s celibate while stringing along a chain of women, then

Visine-ing my drink when I out him to them all together.

Just the narcissist after getting caught lying about another woman saying,

“But what about MY feelings.”

Just verbal and physical threats from the guy I moved in with, until I left/ escaped while he was on tour. He got a top 40 country hit about it. I got trauma therapy and an autoimmune disease.

Just all the scores of people that knew about most of this and either did nothing, defended these men, or stayed silent and complicit.

Oh let's not forget the Hollywood director whose callback scene was a r*pe scene and the safe word was HIS NAME..... affidavits were filed. He was on the SAG conservatory board of directors. Allegedly.

So it’s not ALL men….. right?