This Feeling Lately ...

I've seen the memes and comments. "It feels like when the second plane hit." I gotta say...

You know, honestly? I don't feel like I did on 9/11.... I feel like I did in 2016 when he "won" and we all wept while men we knew mocked us. I feel like I did at 4 am in November when a bunch of us knew something was really, deeply, sickly wrong,  we'd been stolen from.......

and were so helpless to stop it because she never stood up to contest it....I felt abandoned....

The grief is deep.

On 9/11.....I felt confused, horrified and lost....but people called me, I had people to call, my gym called me to check on me, I felt safer, and I knew the leaders would start protecting us....as naive as that sounds now. I felt unified as a country - a global event that affected the country on a personal scale, every one of us has a story,  and community sprang up immediately.

Now, I feel the deep open wound of division and blood thirsty hate everywhere. The sense of community has faltered but is shining in small places, because none of us are safe in our own country, in our own towns, on our own streets.

We're in danger for caring about each other....that's stupendously horrific.

The monsters grew bolder and bigger and more dangerous.

We saw the blazing joyful unity of those gatherings and rallies, and Hope, before she ran away while the votes weren't even done being counted.

We need leaders who don't run, or other countries to stop these monsters from drenching this beautiful country in chaos.

And now I'm not going out after dark.