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Standing My Ground

Updated: May 7, 2023

Like a bad movie,

In that cramped doctors office, diagnosis,

lurching, as the words rang down, hollow in the strange California light,

Feeling left out

in that cramped beige room, faded paper walls, and fears

Doctors and decisions and what’s next

options and Damocles choices

They talked about me like I wasn’t there,

So I wasn’t there,

Picked up my bag and those rental car keys, hit the door,

out alone into the unfamiliar California sun, and drove...

getting conveniently lost in streets I didn’t know, for hours

Home for someone but not for me

Taking comfort in a random sidewalk seat,

a double scoop of chocolate chip, tasteless,

trying to breathe, so hard to breathe,

and find some anchor point,

I don't know what any of this will mean,

Waiting out the fury, waiting out the fear, waiting them out...

desperate for help, knowing I had nowhere to turn,

expecting punishment, glares and rehearsed, blaming stares

but I'm the one with that hospital band

Gathering up my breath and my not being heard, and my courage to stand my ground....

in that stifling, bland, California afternoon air....

turns out they never said a word...... typical family jewels.

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