Not Enough... You're Not Enough for me...
Those words spilled out like broken pearls... they fell across my shoulders, down my eyes.... broke me open slowly...a long crack to the hollow empty silence...,
Like dead sails in that pale, winter room.
My tongue was stuck.... paralyzed by the vast enormity of those 5 velvet hammer words.
My heart stopped...the clockwork jammed.... the sluggish stammer of its faulty drum, suddenly ringing so loud it seemed to cloud my vision.
Silence .....like shattered dreams.... a dusty nursery of them.... sand for the wind to blow away...
The next hours, days and weeks are just heaviness. A labored effort to move limbs, process thought... molasses days of shock and hurt and emptiness.
The pain, the destruction so utter, I honestly thought, for months afterward, that I'd karmically screwed up my life so completely, failed at Love and relationships so entirely, I worried I’d die in some freak accident like a reset flush button of the gods.
I had daydreams of it.
It took 10 years for the slow kintsugi meshing back together of these chipped parts of me, that felt more like gum wrapper foil, than gold. Like frayed, warped strands of me were unraveled from the fabric I knew, and the raw, ugly remains gathered to be rewoven into a new pattern.... the bent strands stiff, bruised...and weak to bend in a new weft.
I have never been the same.